A CHANGE

You know when something really major happens in your life and you don't realise it then. I don't mean you realise when you analyze the thing in your bed at night or something like that, i just mean, ut takes you a second to understand what just happened. Well,yeah, that happened today. I didn't realize what had happened and then Boom! there i was, moving quickly, getting water, trying to do the right thing in that moment. I mean, i did do it right, the best i could do, and that isn't how i managed the event, it's about what thought crossed my mind when ut was happening. Recently i was reading something about a girl going around in a town a time a long while ago, she was asking everyone if no one from their close family had not died. If no one hadn't, she wanted a grain of mustard from them. Well, then i had thought," i could give her the mustard." But then today, i was so close to not being able to say that again. And i guess, it just scared me, for a second there i felt, wobbly. And then comes tge thought. People around are so hung up in their lifes, their everyday routines, they think tge same thing every damn day. Well, that's what i did. And then, after, i realized how wrong that was. How i had thought of something that wasnt even happening. How i misjudged it all, just because a similar thing had happened before. And it freaked me. And thats why i guess, I'm writing this. The thought was wrong, and it made me feel so so so so bad. I'm not kidding. It could have been my last one about that particular scenario. And i would have hated it to end that way.

And i guess by writing this, I'm sort of indirectly telling myself never to think the same thought twice. It doesn't work for tge actors in the movies too and so they ruin the situation, i shouldn't ruin my life's movie either.